Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Auction Rooms - North Melbourne


I'm not going to pull any punches, this is possibly the worst meal I've had in Melbourne. First up there doesn't seem to be any proper vegetarian options for a savoury breakfast (parmesean polenta is not vegetarian) so we ordered our own vegan breakfast. The usual beans on toast with avocado. The 'bashed avocado' was I kid you not like Old El Paso guacamole out of a jar and the baked beans were like a tin of tomatoes and a tin of butter beans cooked in the microwave for 5 minutes. The gluten free bread from Silly Yaks was nice but was served in 1.5 inch thick slices rendering it almost completely useless. I had to cut one piece of toast in half down the side in order to not only make it manageable but also so I didn't feel like I was having a bit of beans with my giant ass piece of bread. I didn't finish my meal, I NEVER not finish my meal.

The service is next, while with a smile and vaguely pleasant you just had the constant feeling that they were waiting for you to get out of there. Always hovering for plates and cups, the second you took your last bite or sip the offending item was whisked away. This is Sunday breakfast, I want to have a few coffees and read the paper with Clare, not feel like I'm going to be rolled into a rug and thrown off a bridge if I stay any longer than the last drip of coffee or smudge of toxic green goo on my size on an iPad piece of toast. The second she took out plates she said 'anymore coffees?' and I said no, she said 'well I'll get your bill then'. It was horrifyingly rude. So to recap, the food was appalling (no really I would call it appalling) the service was vile and the space is actually ok. I will never go back there and I recommend that unless you're a 'liberal' vegetarian (gelatin/rennet) there isn't much there for you to eat either. Foul.

Gets a giant ass -2000 (I figure the meal was $35, it took 2 hours of my life x $40 an hour weekend time + probably the presents I have to buy myself to get over this crime against baby Jesus and I believe THEY owe ME $200)

Deets: I'm not giving them to you because they don't deserve your money.


  1. Yikes!! I'm sorry you had a bad meal, but I really enjoyed reading this review! It's old-school, like when newspaper food reviewers used to do bad reviews properly!

  2. I take that as a huge compliment! thanks!

  3. I'm going there for lunch (sad face - not my idea) - I hate the place too - totally agree with you about the service and the attitude. I've had some rotten coffee there too. People actually queue to get in there on a weekend which amazes me. Fandango or The Hot Poppy are much better options for a North Melbourne brekky.

  4. I keep scrolling past this photo thinking how nice that brekky looks! Shame it was so crap!

  5. The coffee is pretty average.
    The tofu.... sigh~
    I guess you didn't read Kristy's review, cos we took one for the team already.

  6. so they don't have the tofu dish anymore?

  7. This review really was hilarious! Well done on that. Shame about the brekky though, bad baked beans really can ruin my day! and the avocado... no excuse. What in hell - how hard is it to buy a fresh avocado? Sad times, but good reads :D

  8. hi toby.. I know I vaguely remembered you review not being good but I should have done my homework! kristy.. nope no tofu dish... though sounds as bad as the beans...

    vegiebug.. the bad thing is... the avo was fresh.. I just have no idea what they did to it to make it taste that bad... at least you can laugh write?


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